Why Do Indian Women in London Feel Lonely and Anxious Even When Life Looks Comfortable?
A few months ago, a lady I will call Kavita walked into my centre in Mumbai. She lives in London and had come home to India for a three month break. She found my work online and started coming to see me in person.
On the surface, her life had everything. Her husband works hard, her two children are settled in their jobs, and money is never a worry. Her medical tests had all come back clear. Yet she told me, “Colonel Sir, whenever the sky turns dark and it is about to rain, my heart starts sinking and I start sobbing. I just do not understand what is happening to me or why I am behaving in this manner.”
What a day looks like for her
Her husband leaves for work in the morning and returns in the evening. The children are settled in some other country. Her neighbours are kind, but one is an elderly gentleman who lives alone and the other is an older couple, so the street is very quiet. She speaks simple English that she learned after moving, and she has not had many chances to build friendships outside the home.
Add to this the London weather. Long stretches of grey sky mean very little sunshine, and the body feels it. She had aches, tiredness and a heavy mood, and the days felt endless.
Why the mind reacts this way
When someone moves to a new country, the mind has a lot to adjust to at once: a new language, new customs, new faces and a new rhythm of life. Researchers call this the stress of adapting to a new culture. Immigrants tend to feel less anxiety when they have social support in their new community, whether from extended family, neighbours or co-workers. The reverse is also true. When that support is missing, the worry has more room to grow.
Studies of South Asian women in Britain add something important. A high proportion of them experience physical and emotional symptoms commonly linked with anxiety and low mood, and most do not know where to turn for help. Many say they would like confidential conversations with someone who understands their culture and speaks their language. If this sounds like you, please know that Kavita felt the same, and so do many others.
Menopause adds another layer
Kavita is also entering menopause, and this deserves a gentle mention. When oestrogen levels fall, activity of serotonin and dopamine in the brain can reduce, which may bring low mood and anxiety. The same doctors note that colder weather can make symptoms harder to manage. So a body going through change, a quiet home and a grey sky can all arrive together.
Sunlight matters too. One long study found that low vitamin D was extremely common all year round among South Asian women living in the UK. It is a good idea to check your levels and speak with your doctor. At the same time, a trial of vitamin D supplements in healthy women over winter found no mood benefit, so a tablet alone is rarely the full answer. The mind needs care as well.
What we do in our sessions
I never tell a client that her feelings are imaginary. Kavita’s tests were clear, and that is wonderful news. It also tells us that the care she needs is for her mind and heart, and that is where we focus.
In our sessions we do three simple things:
- We talk freely, in her own language, about what she misses and what she fears.
- We practise calming techniques that she can use at home the moment the sky darkens and her heart begins to race.
- We plan small daily steps: a morning walk in whatever daylight is available, a phone call with her sister at a fixed time, and one new activity in her neighbourhood each week.
Now that she is back in London, we continue through online sessions, which means she has someone to speak with from her own living room.
A word for husbands and families
Kavita needed one more thing, and that was her husband’s understanding. Her family loves her deeply, but they could not see what she was going through because nothing looked wrong from outside.
If someone in your family feels low or anxious abroad, a few simple things help a great deal:
- Sit with her for ten unhurried minutes each evening and simply listen.
- Believe what she tells you, even when it is hard to see.
- Help her find her community, whether a temple, a gurdwara, a local Indian women’s group or a weekly class.
- Encourage her to speak with a professional, and tell her you will walk with her.
Is there help for Indian women living in London?
Yes. You can speak to your GP about how you feel, and you can also reach out to a psychologist who understands Indian families and speaks your language. I work with Indian families in the UK through online sessions, so you can begin from the comfort of your home.
If you or someone you love in London is feeling this way, I would be glad to hear from you. Visit chaitanyaraj.com to book an online session.
Lt. Col. Rajesh Sharma (Retd.), Clinical Psychologist and Hypnotherapist, Mumbai